Kareoke will never be a sober sport
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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