did you get engaged???
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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