The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
