i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
