I'm gonna have a badass scar
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
