Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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