Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
