A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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