I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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