Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
