mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
