Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
