3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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