Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
foreskin is a definite game changer
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I use my feet as sexual weapons
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
