Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
