He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
