no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
