That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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