Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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