I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
