dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
