i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
