whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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