Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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