You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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