I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
