I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
