It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
