Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
