My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
