i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
