Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
