The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
