Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
