Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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