Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
he high fived his dick after we had sex
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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