operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We have started to decorate penises.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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