you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
