I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
