Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
