Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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