Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You ate ashes out of my bong
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
