He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
