he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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