THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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