On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
