You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
