I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
