____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
