Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
