My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
