Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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