nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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