he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
