the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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